My lie
Innocence It's my lie. All my shooting star wishes and my eyelash kisses are spent on this lie. The thing I long for. My innocence. He was a beast and I a beauty so he took and took till he ripped through me. My innocence ripped away by blood. A childhood nightmare like monsters in the pages of my story books. I feel so dirty. Like a pair of old sneakers been used and abused. Time has worn through me as though I'm an old lady living lives of horror movies. A smile is my cover up. And though my knowledge of adult things is limited the torture my body has faced is not. He was a beast and I a beauty so he took and took till he ripped through me. My innocence ripped away by blood. Innocence It's my lie. Breaking
I am breaking My insides are ripping, my blood is dripping, the tears are falling.. I am breaking My thoughts they are racing and still I am breaking and you're not caring or telling me "it's okay baby you are just cold and shaky" even though really you know I am breaking. Theses voices they squeeze me. Scream and yell and contaminate my thoughts, Disease me. I am breaking This sun kissed smile shattering like glass and you watch but say nothing till finally at last you hear me begging. Begging the the voices to stop screaming Begging you to stop my aching Begging you to notice my heart breaking Begging to be heard because I am breaking. My lungs are filling up. My heart has stopped beating. My brain is shutting down. Sadly you know why. Cause I'm breaking. To be loved
Why do I love when I'm never loved in return? Why fall for you when you fall for her? Why cherish you when you cherish her? Why love you if you only love her? My wondering eyes how they wonder to you. You're charming smile The smirk in your voice The heart felt messages And boy it's all for her? How can I love you? Why do I love you? I ask myself 9,000 times a day and it always comes back to the fact that you are you and I am me and as hard as I try I'll still fall to your feet cause i am desperate and I need love but you only give it to her cause she is the one you love. Baby
I want you back I miss you My heart is breaking knowing I can’t hug you or kiss you It’s been so much time. Are you angry? Do you still hate me? I would never hurt you. What I did, what I do, it’s only to protect you. I’m sorry it broke you but I would never lie He hurt me. He will hurt you and I hate to see you cry Don’t you miss me? Don’t you care? Don’t you ever wonder if I’ll be there? Cause I miss you. I wonder if you care. I wonder if you will ever be there. I wish you would trust me but I know it’s not the time. Maybe in the future you’ll realize I loved you as if you were mine. A forbidden story
I speak in tongues that they find deceiving. My lies unravel and they find them intriguing. Like a fisherman's net they are caught in my trap, and the words of my life; I start reeling them back. They wish to know my story. They wish to know my truths. They wish to know the things I have hidden down deep in a dark room. I trust no one with my stories full of truth so I feed them lies like forbidden fruit. I feed them till they are full. I feed them till they are less hungry only to come back wanting more of things intriguing and haunting. The story I have written is dark and sad, the sorrows of my past may come up and drag them in to the black. I am the keeper of my story. The keeper of their lives for my stories are to haunting and burn to bright. They will drag them down. They will burn them with fire. They will rip me and scar me until I feed them my lies so the quite may conquer. The light inside me is not peaceful or sweet but haunting and bitter while addicting to eat. They wish to know my stories. They wish to know my truths. I wish not to hurt them so I feed them lies as forbidden fruit. |
Fading
Slowly but surely you are fading Dreams are a blur Memories a distance time Slowly but surely you are fading from your own mind Eyes of sea glass Freckled with brown dust And slowly but surely you is fading with time Thin pink lips and twirling brown hair Small with a heart as big as a bear Yet slowly but surely you are fading Mother of two girls As strong as an ox But slowly fading my mother... my rock Kind hearted are you Selfless to all Slowly you are fading but not from my mind, not at all Our memories to cherish, your love which is kind. Mother of mine never leave me behind. Till the day you forget till the day you go deaf or blind. Mother of mine don't leave me behind. Even if slowly but surely you are fading. wishing star
A wishing star You see there's a difference. A star just sits in the sky looking pretty, a wishing star tho only comes around once in a life time and if your lucky..Twice. Radiant and bright Am i dreaming? She came to me like a bed of roses Soft and inviting Her voice angelic and kind She's a goddess and one hard to find. Her sun kissed skin glows like a sheet of gold Her chocolate brown eyes, how they are oh so sweet and fair to all kinds She Is A wishing star. You
I love you more and more as the days grow longer How the sun loves the moon, That's how I love you How they chase one another, Will you chase me too? Blank
At times the words I wish to say get lost. All the time of planning out in my head what I wanted to say wasted I’ve gone blank. It’s funny really. How much I want to speak with you How much I want to tell you And yet I blank There’s a few simple things I want to say because you mean a lot and I want you to stay, You mean to me the world though I haven’t known you for long You make me so happy I start singing random songs My heart I would give because I love you so much And with everything I have to you I’d entrust. Poisons
Poisons have their way of being awfully sweet I didn’t know it at the time That you were slowly killing me I only knew I wanted something sweet and you gave it to me. I fell in love with a heartbreaker. A two faced good for nothing heartbreaker I didn’t know at the time that you’d leave me. I didn’t know at the time that you’d deceive me. I didn’t know at the time that you’d break me and bleed me I was so love sick. I wanted you You had the words the made my skin dance. A deep dark voice that made my stomach prance You’re poison was more toxic then I’d ever imagined Sweeter then honey Yet oh so deadly But still so lovely You said you would care. You said you would love me but all you did was beat me then hug me. I’d play your games because I wanted your attention but all you wanted was other women’s love and their affections I left my mother, my sisters, and brother all for you because I loved you You lied and you lied and played me like a flute and all because I wanted to be with you. But I’ll find someone else who will love me to the moon and back Who will kiss me and hold me and never look back Who will comfort me when I cry Who will rock my babies to sleep Who will take your poisons far away from me All I want
All I want right now is for my heart to stop breaking, my mind to stop racing, and my body to stop shaking. |
A willow
Leaves like tears, they will fall Branches like lives, they tangle Roots that grow deep, they stay strong. You my love are a willow You’re tears will fall like the leaves of a tree You life will get tangled with others like twisted branches But you’re roots are deep and they will keep you strong Beautiful and bright you stand out like a willow Swaying softy in the wind but never being torn from the ground. You my love are like a willow And it’s quite beautiful Feelings
You let me love you You let me feel You let me have a heart and start to heal I told you things Now I wish I hadn’t All because I started dreaming Then life happened You met someone else They make you happy But I wanted to give you the world I wanted to be all lovey and sappy Why can’t someone love me? Why can’t someone see me for me? Why couldn’t I be the one you needed me to be? Why am I not good enough? Do you even care? I want you I love you Why is love so unfair? Goodbye
Let darkness consume me for its sleep my body craves Let my veins drain out like a cloud releasing rain Let me say goodbye with out bring much pain Keep me in your memory. Keep me close to your heart Know I loved you all with all my heart Remember my laugh and the good parts of me Remember how much I loved all trees Don’t be sad when I go I’ll no longer be in pain Just remember me when I’m gone Know my love wasn’t a game I hope my life brought some joys though it wasn’t all the time Hope you remember me when I’m gone. Hope you keep me in mind. Dear future lover..
You make my heart skip a beat My pulse thud in places id never dreamed My cheeks pink then redden The butterflies in my tummy spin out of control My temperature rise even when I feel cold I want you all the time To hold me To love me To be able to call you mine I want you to hold me at night To kiss me under the stars To stare at me in the moon light I want you to tell me you love me To tell me you care I want you to show me you’ll always be there I want you for you I hope you want me to Because baby I’m madly in love with you I know we’d be happy We’d have kids of our own We’d finally find a place to make our home We’d be together Without a worry at all Because I know you’d be ready to catch me if and when I fall Maybe it’s selfish to want all these things But I know what I want And I know what I bring So be mine And I’ll give you the world I’ll give you my heart Baby I’ll be your girl |
Darkness
I made friends with the monsters who lived under my bed I found comfort in the voices speaking in my head The boogeyman in my closet, he was my protector I was scared of you and your nightly torture I slept with mom because she wouldn’t hurt me I slept with Meya so you wouldn’t touch me Being alone was when you could have your way but when I was with people you turned away I was scared because I was uncomfortable and I was uncomfortable because you were there. You hurt me and broke me which is truly unfair I hated the dark because you were darkness Colors
White White with red makes pink White and blue, light blue White and green, light green. White I am white. Absorbing you’re emotions Let me feel nothing Mixing our colors Let me feel nothing Can I be my own person? Let me be white I don’t want to absorb. I don’t want to mix I don’t want to be you Like black let me not mix Let me be white All other colors went to shine but let white shine Let me show I’m one of a kind Let me be white Broken
Tears silently fall down my face yet you don’t take notice My body is shaking not for cold but fear yet no one notices My breath is uneven The thoughts are getting dark Why don’t you notice? They say treat others the way you want to be treat and I do And still no one cares enough to notice me I see the slightest change in your smile The way your hands shake when your nervous The tears that pool and never fall I see it all I see you Yet why can’t you take notice of me the way I do you? See me Care Love me Someone notice that I’ll still here Baby blues
Sea salt falls from those baby blues Leaving marks as they run from her One then two Here comes three and four not far behind Down the same path Across the brown sugar dust that covers her Only to fall to the plush white clouds she sits upon Blood pumping fast the wheels of a train skidding to a stop a master puppeteer twitches that leave her body spinning out of control “I’ve got you” Those baby blues start to droop You rock slowly “Sleep now, it’ll be better soon” Your words keep her sane. |
Purple kisses, red lines
Dark 4 walls 8 corners Screams of children Beg for mercy Apology unaccepted Crack Purple kisses Red lines And pain So much pain Crack Burning salt water Blood shot eyes Crack Pants on the floor Shaking Hate in those eyes “You stop that crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” Crack Choking Drowning Burning lungs scream out And crack Dark 4 walls 8 corners Purple kisses Red lines And Pain So much pain Thud Leather chuck falls Pants back up Hate leaves Just as Darkness takes over They are like children
Wild at heart Adventure prone in nature Kind and playful Yet brutally honest Natural beauty
Their beauty is overpowering Overwhelming Stunning And exhausting With such beauty life comes easy Friends Boyfriends Love People With such beauty you can have it all To my lower class people To those such as I I apologize oh behalf of the filth that haunts us Been beaten with the ugly stick one to many times Hurt cause we aren’t enough And never will be When will be be seen It doesn’t seem as tho it’s in our future Not soon Still unseen Claws of hell
Dark Thick black Choking Drowning Burning white claws of hell Thick black Choking Drowning Warm red Small and deep Drip Drip Drip Screams of souls Dark Thick black Cold Shiver Pull Breath Scream Scream Breath Hot salt rain pours Scream Breath Thick black Dark Agony
Consumed by fire Deep breath Red hot rain of salt Choking Choking Deep breath Silence Heartbreak Little rivers of red run run Down the twists The turns of flesh Hot and dying Little streams of of clear Burning Cries for help Screams Agony Bed of nails that pound Crush Break Consumed by fire Little rivers of red run dry Peace.. At last 1 breath 1 exhale Peace “Thick thighs save lives”
Yeah maybe if I was starving in the desert But I’m not “The thicker the better” I’ve been “thick” for some time. It’s starting to be called fat at this point “Why do you eat so much” Why do you watch how much I eat? “She doesn’t look skinny” I know I don’t. Cause I’m not “You’re beautiful you just can’t see it” No I’m ugly and you lie that’s why people Run And hide “Your butt is getting bigger” Okay and? “Your thighs are thicker” Stop looking at my body “I wanna be fat like you” Thanks? Sorry can’t seem to shave the weight Off my body “You got some thunder thighs” Do I make the house shake too? “Why are you upset it wasn’t a negative” Maybe because Everyone point out I’m fat I can’t lose weight Clearly I eat too much I’m still breaking out They only want me for information I’m not a computer you can check out And take what you want I’m a person See me Cause your hurting me the most Friend
Pale faces Black eyes This is the road To my Goodbye As my pulse ran rapid I found a friend One like no other I found a friend Hours turn to days Day to months The closer we got The more I felt at home Snap One day it was over It felt like we got farther and farther apart Like she was leaving me in the dark We had no secrets I thought we could tell one another anything but she pushed me away and no I know nothing Don’t leave me I beg Don’t push me away I’ll give you space I’ll do as you ask Don’t hurt me this way Though it seems that friends aren’t my thing They don’t ever seem to stay with me I love and I love And I give and I give So please don’t leave me Not like the rest of them did The ache
It's more than an ache. It's like the hands of the devil reaching out, and taking my soul and ripping it apart in your face. It's like watching a man kill a newborn child for sport. All the fuzzy feelings and happy memories no longer exist because of that ache. Bang, the first shots fired into your heart. Bang bang, two more to your mind, but the last shot to your soul never comes because it wants you to feel the pain. let it fester and turn you in to something your not. Let it rip your skin apart inch by inch. It's like a sickness. A cancer. You don't know it's there till it's too late. The ache. I feel ripped apart. I am lost in the darkness of my mind, no longer making sense, all things seem dark, oh god where is the light? Why have I not seen it yet? Does this mean I am going to hell? I know I haven't always made the right choices but I've been trying to change, does that count for nothing? I love yet will never be loved. I give my all for people to push me down and laugh as i fall. I close my eyes and cry, the solum prayer for fairness and love and peace and hope, for a better life. Why is this happening to me? I only want the best for everyone, does no one truly want the best for me? It is an ache. A growing pain filled with hate. I no longer see clearly, or dream and imagine. I have become like an evil dragon. There's this thing. It happens a lot. It's not something you may understand. It's something only I can feel. It hurts. It's a pain. One that's like a two edged sword being slashed through your brain while your still awake. A pain worse than a mother giving birth. Worse than a mother losing her own child to death. A pain that takes over your body. Your heart and anything and everything you live for. A pain that makes you want to die because you know it's the only way to stop the madness. A pain that can't go away from loads of pills the doctors throw on you. A pain that can't go away by sleeping. A pain that can't go away by talking. I don’t know how to get ride of this pain. I know death will get ride of it because that dead are conscious of nothing. They can not feel nor hear or see. They are dead. My pain would be gone than. And pink
Sea glass, Golden spirals, Button nose, And pink... You radiant pink Sunsets follow you As the mane of a lion king Sea glass eyes do tell it all The nights alone, the screams, the cries, the joy, the love l, You are heard Golden spirals that crown your head Natural, like the silk of a spiders web Button nose sneeze too vulnerable but it’s your eyes that tell of your soul And pink... beauty that is quite unique You have lost and learned But don’t seem to see The beauty inside.. A treasure Where’s the key? The beauty we love Learned to respect Best kept secret A treasure unable to forget |
Pain
Bright and white how they illuminate the night Like trains screeching to a halt When the little one whales Fine china that shatters Screams Echo “This is your fault” “It’s because of you” “You said you loved me” “You’re nothing, we’re through” Salty rain drops Blood red skies Nothingness that consumes Death in those eyes Bittersweet
Dad? Daddy? I wish you could see me now The woman I’ve become Oh how I’ve grown How I’ve changed You’d be proud I know that one I miss you I miss that hug and that kiss of praise How you’d hold me and squeeze me How I knew I’d be okay I miss that I miss you I miss the things I never knew Dad? Daddy? Do you miss me too? Shadow
I am your shadow The ugly sister The one people come to for information Pictures of you Details Your shadow Haunted by beauty I can’t come pair to I am hiding Tears burn like the fire in me I am your shadow I am not noticed I am not loved The ugly sister Your shadow 123
We played a game Called it 1 2 3 You lied Cheated Made my heart skip a beat I giggled You smiled Like the love of a young child 1 2 3 I Love You You Love Me 1 2 3 But You Lied & I Believed It 1 2 3 I Loved You & You Broke Me Left Me Defeated Deep blue and gray fog
Deep blue Yet Gray fog burning Page by page Her story I swam deeper Inhale Choke Cough “Deeper” Inhale Choke Cough Pause The eye of the storm Peace Truth Creams and deep blues Honest Deep blue Yet Gray fog burning Page by page Her story Goodnight
You literally tore her open Left marks that couldn’t lie You tore her flesh apart Though you didn’t see her cry Blood dripped from her Slipped from her As though a river was inside You dripped from her Your sweat spit on her You soul eating hers alive When you finished in her Finally happy with her You turn over with a deep sigh Finally falling asleep While your baby weep Cause you broke her soul and mind Wincing with each step She took her leave Knowing This Wasn’t Goodbye But Merely A Goodnight Why oh why
I do not understand Why are they all the same Why did they push me Why did they pull me Why oh why is it so hard to keep friends I am too much I am crazy I am ugly I am lazy She will always be better than me She will always take friends from me I try I try I try And I try But no matter the effort it’s not enough So why This was my last My very last chance And I messed it up Like a swift kick to the pants I am so lonely So sad And starting to get very very mad So why oh why Do I still try try try When no matter what They all leave with no goodbye For the mistakes I have made For the wrong words I say I’m so sorry Very sorry That I was never enough Not even to this day I guess this is goodbye Because why live a life alone Like a single french fry Oh why oh why Should I live this life When so easily death Is The New Friend Of Mine You
You took my dad Which in turn took my childhood Thus causing hard emotions You took my mother Which in turn takes my life Thus making me hurt You oh you who I don’t know who But who causes me pain I don’t understand you You take my friends You take my family too You take what’s means most to me As most you tend to do You oh you who I don’t know who But who causes me pain I don’t understand you To the tears I’ve shed The blood I let spill To the sleepless nights Why are you Beyond me And my freewill |